It's a twisted world we live in.

I keep my distance away from people not because I think I'm better but because I'm wise enough to know when my heart has had enough. The scariest feeling is loving someone and still having to live with the fear that, your special someone whom you value so much has not placed as much emotional investments as you have. I've built so many valuable relationships over the years with previous partners , family members, friends and classmates . I've learned to keep my circles small to avoid unnecessary drama and complications but even in these small circles there's only 1 person whom I know will always and has always had my back. Sad reality if it all is that I'd take a bullet for a hand full of them and only one person would do the same for me. I don't speak on it all but I notice , these menal notes I keep have never been wrong, I'm not naive . Life and it's stupid tricks and stupid people how play along to the rules of these stupid games! People who act as though they care but you can see their game plan beneath their skin. People who pull you off the shelf only to use you and put you back onto the shelf when they are done with you. It's all such a twisted game. How someone whispers sweet nothing's into your ear yet turns around and does the complete opposite of what they had promised! They may use you for several reasons. Some may include sexual favors, money and you're material possessions ,a shoulder to cry on in times of need, use you to help them hurt others or to just simply destroy your life. The list is endless! But where are they when you need them? Where are they when you need a helping hand? Gone with the wind, hidden under the carpet! Nowhere to be found! But they are so quick to return when they need a favor . You cannot afford to continue living a life with people who hide themselves under masks of betrayal and lies! Don't be so naive to turn a blind eye on the truth that is happening around you! People continue to take and take over and over again and give you nothing in return. How could such relationships be healthy? Learn to walks way from relationships that no longer build you as person, get rid of all the clutter that is holding you back from being the greatest version of yourself. Life is too short to spend time with people who use you and suck the happiness out of you! Let go ,let God and continue to live your best life.

Group Think -EryKah Badu

Group Think

They play it safe

Are quick to assassinate what they do not understand

They move in packs

Ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another

They feel most comfortable in groups

Less guilt to swallow

They are us

This is what we have become

Afraid to respect the individual

A single person within a circumstance can move one to change

To love herself

To Evolve


-EryKah Badu

In Faith We will Grow

Allow me to reintroduce myself I'm Rethabile,Nonhlanhla Machokwe Mabena.Yes I'm tough,I'm ambitious and I know exactly what I want and I WILL NOT BE STOPPED.If that makes me a bitch then im fine with it.

I'm a small town girl at heart, born in Pretoria and lived half of my life in Witbank and the other in Benoni and Pretoria.I had dreams of being THAT village girl that found gold in the city of eGoli but nothing could've prepared me enough for the real world that I was about to face when I got to varsity. I'm a 2010 so I've been out of varsity for the past 3years! And boy have I learned a lot but because of Gods strengthen and grace I'm blessed enough not to have become a statistic that came to Johannesburg and went back home with nothing but Aids or a baby in my belly.

I've had tough skin all life but going through my parents divorce,the murder of my cousin and having to move from one university to the other was not part of my plan. I graduated from matric at the tender age of 17 and honey I had dreams. Graduating record time at 21,from having my own law firm by 24 ,owning my own international airways to being your first female President.Little did I know that God had other plans for my life,clearly my dreams didn't match his reality for me.This is what we call destiny. We are so sucked in by our own visions that we forget to include the Great Man when we plan our future. I've been through so much I could write 5 or more novels about my life and yet I'm only 20years old. Yes, I'm far from achieving my goals but I thank God that I was able to through these hardships at a young age and able to hold my crown up high and educate other people about my lessons through the battle of running this journey called life.I'm tattooed "DESTINED FOR GREATNES" therefore I'm holding onto my dreams,discipline ,dignity,degrees and dollars THIS INVISSIBLE CROW ON MY HEAD won't fall anytime soon.

This great gift called life at times is just a bit too good to be true and the next minute its filled with hurdles, we win some and we lose some (well so they say) but the most important part of it all is to remain true to ourselves ,who we are and what we stand for.

As an individual you need to understand that you are running your own race. Don't run the marathon in other peoples lanes YOU CAME HERE ALONE ,Like Mariah said "its a long road when you face the world alone"don't expect people to help you through out the race,THIS IS NOT A RELAY and stop looking back at your past hurdles but instead keep focus and be prepared to face the next one. What happens today is a lesson,the scars from today's experiences will be great lessons and stories to tell tomorrow. You came here alone and alone you will leave.

Educate and equip yourself.
Explore your talents and be so GOOD THAT THEY CANNOT IGNORE YOU.
Discover your purpose.
Be in love with your life EVERY MINUTE OF it.
Devote your life to surving the most high God and you will continue to gain long life blessings.
Dream it and live it.
Wear your joy.
Confuse them with a smile.
Work in silence and let your success make the noise.
Be your own hero.

You are destined for greatness,you were crowned at birth and your heavenly father has plans greater than your hearts deepest desires.When God opens doors for you,on one can close them.
God gave you this life because he knew you were strong enough to live it. Leave a legacy for you kids n their grandchildren,you owe it to them.

God gave you this life because he knew that you were strong enough to live it! Make him proud honey! Believe and in faith you will grow.

Lots of love and blessings!
Thabi.M

He who knows will make a way.

"Like stars through the vast circuit of their appointed path,God's purposes know no haste no delay" EG White.

Over time I have discovered there is no absolute finish line for everyone in the race of life. Our tracks are different and our durations are different. The only thing we have in common is the same empire.

For instance, one person graduates @ age 20 and struggles for another 5 years to get a job, another might graduate @ 25 and get a job immediately. One can marry a virgin and wait for the next decade to have the blessings of children, another lady probably after having series of abortions in her past, becomes a mother almost immediately after marriage.

A fellow becomes MD @ 38 and dies @ 56, another becomes MD @ 55 and lives to 90. What a life! Life is full of twists, turns, ups and downs and many more surprises and disappointments.

Life offers each one of us different opportunities and once an opportunity is lost, it's gone forever except by the grace of God. It is up to each one of us to patiently prepare, wait, recognize and utilize every opportunity. We learn on the way. No one knows it all or has it better. There is a reason why we all don't fall @ the same time.

It's so that when one is down, weak and discouraged, the other who is strong, can encourage and lift the other person. God never promised that the road would be easy but he promised never to leave nor forsake us. Although life is a competition, let us learn to go easy on ourselves and trust that God is working it all out for good (even if it doesn't make sense now). I know that there is a time for everything but most importantly that " it will come to pass ". Whatever trials, challenges or down time , this too shall pass and in due course, you will be up and strong again to lift up those who maybe down around you.

NEVER LOSE HOPE...
Stay Blessed

Walking with The Great1

She found inner peace in a cruel world
and realized that letting go is so amazing...

She healed when everyone kept rubbing salt on her open wounds
learning to love herself was the remedy...

She found joy in a place where war was a way of living
exploring new avenues and learning to travel through the valleys of her soul helped to mold the her into the walking ball of fire that she is...

and with every experience
every teardrop
every hurdle and
trial... she learned that she was never alone...

she was walking with the Great1

Dear Coco

It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him. … I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.”
― Coco Chanel


Dear Coco
[I hope my daughters live to understand this]

Anthony Hamilton_Best of me

[This is my favourite song at the moment! Got it on repeat! Fell in love with it a few months back as I heard it all the time on Metrofm.It's taken the top spot replacing "Adorn". Its beautiful and those who appreciate good music will surely enjoy it,this is a masterpiece...well done Anthony]

Best Of Me Lyrics
Anthony Hamilton


It's simple, I love it
Having you near me, having you here
Our conversations, Outrageous
you smile, then I smile then I say
ooohhh- this is getting personal, personal, personal
Lets stay for a while, and play, girl lets make this a moment
oohhhh


Chorus:
Giving you the best of me. Amazing, Amazing ooohh
having you close to me, Amazing, Outrageous
give your best to me


Good Morning,
Its breakfast,
Lost track of time but- we had a ball
Lets catch a movie, then dinner,
tonight the night we'll just unwind and stay, hey lets stay personal, personal, personal
lets stay for awhile and play, such a beautiful moment.
oohh

Chorus
Giving you the best of me.oohhh Amazing, somewhat Amazing ooohh
having you close to me, Amazing, Outrageous
give your best to me- giving you the best of me Amazing, giving you the best of me- Amazing
oohh having you close to me-having you close to me- Amazing
Outrageous- oohhhh give your best to me

ooohhhh, ooohhhh, ooooh ooohhh ooohhhhh, ooohhh ( repeated several times)

Chorus ( over and over)

Giving you the best of me. Amazing, Amazing ooohh
having you close to me, Amazing, Outrageous
give your best to me


Giving you the best of me amazing - some what amazing

repeat- Over

oooooohhhhhhh

The Soil.

I promise I didn't like you guys at first, wanted nothing to do with your music"another group consisting of two guys and a girl ,trying too hard to be soulful" little did I know.Then I saw you guys on jam sandwich last week[I can't explain what happened that night but I think we fell in love] and my heart feels cheated on!

All of a sudden my ears and soul have developed a love affair with your warm spirits and pure melodies [an over night affair, a one night stand that seems to be lasting longer than I expected it to].
Your lyrics are filled with such depth yet all your songs are healing,soothing and so pure,I swear you're so good you make it seem so easy.

I hope your music lives forever.I pray my children live to adore such music,a pot full of soul with a teaspoon of jazz, a cupful of ghetto and an urban breeze! So refreshing!

You are blessed beyond measure! I'm sure our heavenly father is listening to your music through his earphone and the angels are dancing along to your beats!

Stay blessed,true to good music to yourselves ,your supporters and the Great1 above.Stay humble, pure and soulful!

Your New.Lover
Thabi.M

Something called love.

I dream of you, of us of a love so true a love so real one that is written in the stars!
Your veins are the maps to my heart!
And apparently when I'm awake and suffering from inFUCKENsomnia it is said that I am alive in your dreams!
Is it true boo?
Will you hold me tight?
Will you put a ring on it?
Will you love me the same way the sky loves the stars?
Sell me dreams the same way Adam sold Eve dreams?
Take me to paradise,to a place where even winter is warm.
You promise to day dream of my soft kisses?
Introduce me to your ancestors?
Will you take me to their graves?
Introduce me as one of them someday!

I may not know your name but I hope its"love" and even though we have never met I already have the names of our children written on a piece of paper and placed in the bible!
LOL crazy I know but its only because I believe in love.
I believe in you,in me,in us and if my grandparents have been able to stay together for more than 50years I am bound to believe that there's such a thing as love.
I grew up surrounded by lovers, by loving spirits that vowed to love till death took them to the grave.They vowed to love each other on earth and in heaven when they meet again,so I know its true.
I know love exists because my father in heaven created it the same way that he created You and I.

I know that all my ex-lovers,were only preparation for what we will someday share.
I want to give you the best of me so hurry and find your way to me suga!

Show me joy,a feeling that I won't be able to describe but it will be scribbled all over my face as I smile!
Be my friend!
A Son of God!
A believer in happy endings!
A faithful soulmate!
Grow with me
Give your best to me!

Let's show the rest of the world that fairy tales still exist!

A Fist Full oF Anger

I'll be standing at the head of your grave!
With a smile on my heart.
Waiting to kick your cheap box
deeper
deeper
deeper
and
deeper
into the dirty soil so that you'll have no way to escape your lil piece of hell!

I will shed no tear
and
like a stranger at a funeral I'll be dresses in the latest designer clothes and I wont wear or feel any sort of pain because my anger won't let me feel for a stranger!

Mark my words
I WILL BE THERE
I'll be there watching you
helpless
frozen
cold
Full of sin
with no movement
still
bitter
and
lifeless.


I won't hope that you are
R.esting
I.n
P.eace
but instead I hope you'll be burning in hell
The same way that you let me burn on earth!
The same way you watched me suffer!

I hope the devil hates you as much as I hate you.
I hope he forces you to drink your own blood when you're thirsty
I hope he makes you eat your own flesh
day in
and
day out!
Over
and
over again!

Hope he let's you burn more than all the other sinners in hell!
I hope he has a special room for you and your family members!
I hope you survive to see them walk in
one
by
one through the gates of hell and suddenly realize that
there's
on
turning
back!

On your death bed, I want your eyes to bleed!
I want your flesh to fall off as you bath!
I want to grind the bones of your right arm and I want you to get high from smoking your own bones!
I want you to scream in pain so much pain that you surrender to death!!
I want you to crawl to the bathroom on your bleeding knees and as you crawl
I want you to shout all 3 of my names
Rethabile
Nonhlanhla
Machokwe
hoping that somehow I'll pop up and save you!
I hope you die a
s...
l...
o...
w...
and painful death!
A death that your grandchildren will have nightmares about!
I hope they hang themselves in their sleep hoping to escape reality but only diving into a bitter boiling hell!
A pit you dug up for them whilst you were still alive!

you loved seeing me suffer.
You wanted me dead.
You wanted me to sell myself in order to survive.
Denied me
said
I
wasn't
your
own!!!


Well I hope the devil has a checklist with your name on it!
Your mothers name, your sisters, your brothers, nephews,nieces, cousins name's, your grandchildren's names and the names of all those that are to carry your surname! And

I hope he is standing at the gates of Hell waiting to check you in!

I will wait for you

“I WILL WAIT FOR YOU” BY JANETTE IKZ

So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him.
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, & a thief.

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!
I was gonna make him ‘The One’
You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time, 

So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.
He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arties so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He sawed,
Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
To transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for You.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
Cause in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to,
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know You.. 
You were already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know…. 
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held
Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks & buying drinks,
I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of,
‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’
NO more.
I’ll stay in my bed alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you. 
He won’t even come close,
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him,
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…

So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sara
Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest story ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning
More than the watchmen wait for the morning..,

I
Will
Wait...

No Harm...

I am the bee that rests on your arm.






I intend no harm,




just a moment of stillness I request.

INSPIRATION

INSPIRATION

YOU LOOK AT ME AND SMILE
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY?
YOU STARE AT ME IN WONDER
BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND- HOW???

I'VE SCRATCHED AND I'VE BLED
BUT STILL MANAGED TO MATCH
YOUR SKILL, INTELLECT, GRACE-
HAVE SURPASSED YOU AS A MATTER OF FACT!

YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME
BECAUSE I HAVE COME TOO FAR
NOT COUNTING GOD'S BLESSINGS
BY THE NUMBER OF RINGS OR FANCY CARS

BUT MINE IS A DIGNITY
THAT RINGS FAR MORE CLEARLY AND TRUE
ONE THAT OTHERS ATTEMPT TO EMULATE
BUT CAN NEVER SEEM TO DO

I'VE BEEN CALLED BY MANY NAMES
ALL MEANT TO HURT AND DEMEAN
YOU MAY SAY WHAT YOU'D LIKE
BUT ON THIS EARTH - I AM THE ORIGINAL QUEEN

NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG
I'M NOT THE ARROGANT SORT
BUT YOU WANTED TO PLAY GAMES, I'LL LAND ON MY FEET
NOW THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT

BUT DON'T THINK IT WILL BE EASY
THIS ANNIHILATION YOU PLAN TO ENSUE
I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE...'08...
NOW, WHAT ABOUT YOUUUU???

--Soror Gajarah Baseemah Ballard

I'll make a woman

"I'll make a woman"
A woman of substance,
A woman of pride,
A woman who is able to put petty
things aside.
A woman of integrity,
A woman of love,
A woman who is worthy of
treasures from above.
A woman who is genuine,
A leader in every way,
God Said.
"I'll make a woman" a woman of substanceConceited we're called
Because we stand tall
Uppity we're deemed
Due to our self-esteem
Our noses are always in the air
For looking downward we don't dare
And continue with pride
Realizing that if you're a lady
You're automatically downgraded
Sophistication and Class is a plus
Although others don't view it as much
Their thoughts are so remote
But when we were founded
Women couldn't vote
Civil rights were a luxury
In the early 20th Century
We were very political
Although they laugh and act very cynical
So remember the next time they jeer,
You were the FIRST to be here
Deleting all that was not good
And replacing it with SISTERHOOD
Setting a trend for all the rest
Proving that they could be the very best.
As ladies we must learn
Nothing is given, all is earned
With this in mind
You'll ultimately find
That it's a flair
It's a mood

My Unsaid Words- Ayanda Nkosi

‘’There was once a time where I could have taken you back without thinking twice. Of course I would have played a ‘’little hard to get’’ once again, knowing deep down inside my heart that I couldn’t wait for the next time you whispered that four letter word into my ear. I wanted you to know how much you hurt me but at the same time I wanted to show you love.

I kept replaying our moments in my mind. I can’t say I didn’t blame myself at one point for us coming to an end but at the same time I couldn’t understand why you just gave up on us (I mean) on me so easily without thinking twice. While I was healing, hurting and lusting for answers you had moved on within a blink of an eye. Seasons went by and I finally decided to open up to ‘’another’’. I had forgotten about you (so I thought), and he became my new interest. I told myself that this time around I wasn’t looking for commitment, no love, but all I wanted was a good time even if it wasn’t going to last for a life time. We smiled, we laughed, we shared our stories then we parted ways. It was good but not good enough for me to finally feel again.

I remembered the thought that I implanted in my mind over the months that you were meant to be the one for me (I really thought you were). Maybe all that waiting killed our right moment. It’s true what they say that ‘’Somehow lovers become strangers again’’. I guess that’s our happily ever after.

I never doubted your love, no wait… your feelings for me. I still don’t; I know you had your reasons. I guess the only reason I waited for so long was because I didn’t hear those reasons from you; which became the hardest part of it all being left with unanswered questions which ended up becoming my conclusion to our story. I no longer wanted you like I used to. That soft touch I once felt became a distant memory and those sweet words you once whispered to me they too began to fade away. Everything that once shined in our world became a cold winters night which later turned into spring and summer. I began to wish you the best in life (I still do) although this time around I loved you for what you were before we became one, I loved you for the dreams and goals you once shared with me, I loved you for the time you waited, I loved you for the beauty you saw in me and I loved you for the years I once knew you. I wasn’t perfect, you weren’t perfect and we weren’t perfect; at least that’s one thing that assures me that it was all REAL just not the ending I expected.
I know it’s only normal for most females to feel the way I did; the only difference is that they probably may have given that significant other a second chance, where in my case ‘your’ absence reassured me that there is potentially more waiting for me out there.

The seasons passing became more of a way of life for me, only this time I had you as a lesson in my previous chapter in life. My unsaid words finally play a role in my reality. “I was never rushed into letting go”. So hopefully if you still holding onto a significant other don’t feel rushed to let go, do it in your own time the right time for YOU and don’t forget to Live, Laugh and Love; no one can ever take that away from you or me. I am yet to fall for my ‘better half’ so they say. “

Our time is coming…


Miss.A